“She’s never going to get married!”
No, these aren’t the despairing words of my mother, but of a family friend. My mom was sharing wedding details to them about my sister’s upcoming wedding. Inevitably, the conversation turned to me and my marital status because love is in the air, why isn’t it catching with me?
From further conversation, it appeared their impression of me is that I have had men “flocking” around me all my life and I simply reject them and pick them off like a bb gun in a carnival game and if I wanted to be married I “would be married by now.”
I was flabbergasted.
I had no idea there were people in my life that had this perception of me. And WHO are all these men that they are talking about? Are you sure they were talking about ME, mom? I think they got the wrong Heidi because I’ve had guy friends, but I’ve definitely never been the girl next door type.
1 Corinthians 7:7-9
“I wish that all of you were as I am. But each of you has your own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
Singleness is many things to different people. Some view it as a gift, others an affliction. But what I have learned in the past twenty-nine years of my life is that the grass is always greener on the other side.
Those who are single want to be married. Those that are married miss the freedom that comes with singleness, but we all have a gift to share and a cross to carry.
Luke 14: 27
“And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my disciple.”
I’ll be honest I have not dated much.
There was a time where I had a dating app or two on my phone, but I found that the only time I was using them was because I was lonely and depressed. When I shared this with a friend, he laughed and said, “That’s everyone on the apps!” I deleted them and haven’t looked back since.
I’ve decided if God wants to bring someone along, cool, but in the meantime, I’m going to live my life to the fullest.
Hebrews 12:1-3
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinners, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart.”
I think one reason I have not pursued a relationship is because I got itchy feet. I want to travel the world, learn about other cultures, and share the love of Christ wherever I go. Once you find your lobster, you tend to settle down, get married, have kids, and become planted, but my heart hasn’t desired that. At least not yet.
One big dream in particular I have is to travel the world by motorcycle. I think that would be a grand adventure and definitely thrust me into situations where I am fully relying on God (Pray peace for my mother. These dreams disturb her.)
As I spend time talking with God about this restlessness in my spirit “to go”, I knew the answer was “not yet”. Through this time God has been walking me through a season of healing and helping me mature in my walk with Him.
I’ve also met some pretty awesome people at my job that I do my best to love well in this season of my life. My boss tells me I am “the heart of this team”. It’s the highest compliment anyone has ever given my in my career and a reflection of Jesus in my workplace.
There have been many times where I have gone back in my journals to remember the person I used to be and I can the see the evolution of my mind and thoughts as I pursue Jesus and love him more everyday.
Ezekiel 36:26
“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”
It has been a lonely road.
There are times where it would be nice to share my adventures with a beloved, for a shoulder to cry on, someone to laugh at my awesome jokes, someone to keep me humble, and love me even when I’m a being a turd.
Until then, I’m going to keep pursuing God because at the end of the day He is enough.
Philippians 4:19
“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.”
I just want to say….
Just because someone is married does not mean their life is fulfilled and has great meaning. Just because someone is single their life is fulfilled and has great meaning. The worth of a person is not in their relationship status.
Finding fulfillment in another person or in oneself will lead to great disappointment.
The only way to life fulfillment is to the cross. Through Gods never ending love and ultimate sacrifice and greatest gift of all….Jesus Christ!
Everything else in life compares to nothing. God will use his people regardless if they are single, widowed, or married.
I choose to find my worth and life fulfillment in God and what God says of me. Praise be to God that He has used you in ways of your singleness that a married person could have never done.
Praise be to God in the ways He has used me in my marriage to bring Him glory!
Sweet sister, thank you for keeping God full and center regardless what others perceive of you. Gods light will continue shine brighter through you in ways that we can’t even begin to imagine, His plan is much greater and will continue to be done. ??
Such a refreshing and encouraging read by the way! This is definitely I struggle with on a daily basis….the concept of falling short of others expectations of myself. God has grown me in ways that others will never understand because of the plan He has me on. Regardless of where I am all praise be to Him for choosing me and loving me regardless of my short comings unlike the world we live in.
Amen! Thank you for sharing!
Christ is always enough! It you push for a relationship often you end up with the wrong person! Be happy! Seek Him and His perfect will for you will occur! I was married at 23 but God told me Kleta was the lady for me! And we were married for 49 wonderful years! I lost her last year due to Covid or we would still be married! Now I’m single and lonely, missing her companionship tremendously! I was never meant to be alone but God is growing me in ways that would’ve never occurred if I was still married! What I’m saying is that sometimes He does the opposite of what we want sometimes for our own good! God bless! I’ll keep you in my prayers ??
I’ll keep you in my prayers as well. Thank you for sharing, Pete!
Amen sister.
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I love so much about this post–it resonates with me. Singlehood is a sacred, unique time in our lives to do all the things you mentioned: heal, grow, mature, explore, pursue our dreams, etc. A married person can do all these as well, but not with the same freedom and ease of a single person. Pursuing what God has for us in the here and now and striving to become the man or woman He created us to be is indeed living out our holy vocation, whatever our stage of life may be.
So good to hear from you, Heidi!
And I will be praying for your mom ??
My laughing/crying emoji shows up as double question marks. I’m not questioning your prayer request for your mother 🙂
Lol. Love you, Mary Grace! 😀
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Thank you for posting this. I really appreciate the heart that God has formed in you. Praise be to Him for all He does in us and for us!
Kathy read it to me a few days ago and I wanted to read it again because it was chocked full of wisdom and wit and maybe some raw honesty.
A small in proxy token apology for the famine in the land of solid men of God eligible candidates for the quality (on mission) gals like you Heidi!
Love ya sis.
Oh yeah, motochi in China , Taiwan and or the Stans is on my list ??
Amen! Thanks, Karl!
Haha, thank you, Jiàoliàn!