I really don’t want to write this blog. It’s not funny and it’s not uplifting, but it’s the truth.

Sometimes I feel like Moses. When I talk it comes out asdflehxuhsodbeknxdn, but when I’m able to take the time to write down my thoughts it comes out a bit more clear and concise. I think that’s why I usually like blogging and sharing what’s going on because I consider it a strength.

For me, the purpose of this blog is to share my stories of what I’m doing and what God is doing with my team in the places we’ve traveled. But what about when you don’t really know what God is doing?

Sri Lanka has not been great for me.

I have never desired to travel here. It was not on our original route, but things change (love deeply, hold loosely). To decide how they would place us on teams, they had us write down two cities from a list of six cities in Sri Lanka. We prayed about which ones to write down and if I’m honest, I did not hear anything.

I ended up getting put on a team with my second choice and the only reason I put that city down was because of Rihanna. (Ella, ella, ella...)

While we have been in our city, two of our squad leaders visited us and ran us through the ringer with sessions. Inner healing, grief, sin...bleeeeh. Hard hitting topics that most people would run to the hills before they would even think to dredge up those old wounds again.

A lie I believe is that I am unloved and unwanted.

I’m struggling.

I’m struggling to love not only the people around me, but myself.

Tomorrow I’ll be better. In the future, I know I’ll have an encouraging story to share. But right now life sucks and that’s okay.