Love Deeply, Hold Loosely

Many people come and go in my life. I’m sure this is a true statement for many people. But now that I am no longer on team Crossfit, the old hurts have resurfaced. My new team is now Team Two and I’m learning to love again.

I grew up in the same town, same house, and the same church all my life. There was a sense of stability, roots, which at times could be suffocating for my wild, adventurous spirit. But when I moved to Los Angeles and started working, everything changed.

Living in LA, the turnover rate for people living there was insane. People are constantly coming and going year after year trying to make their way in the entertainment industry. As a freelancer, I could work with someone one day and never see them again. It’s fun because you get to meet new people from diverse backgrounds, learn about different cultures, hear some of the crazy stories people have and, my God, the food was amazing! But when the lights go down, the glitter settles, and you’re all alone, who’s still around when the party is over?

G-squad is made up 30 beautiful land mermaids and 11 spicy stud muffins. I appreciate each and everyone of them. Yes, even you Andrea. 

But I like what my leader Alysa said though, “If I were to be friends with all of you, it would kill me.” Because in her wisdom, she knows friendships take love, trust, and time. There’s no way we could adequately nurture that many relationships at one time. I’m thankful we get broken up into smaller teams so we are able to be intentional in getting to know each other better. It makes it less overwhelming.

However, a thought that has been on my realistically-wired mind is why should I be vulnerable with these people in this season? They’re in my life now for 11 months, but after that I may not speak to some of them ever again. Not because I don’t want to, but I recognize with different callings comes different pathways. Life takes hold, new relationships take precedence, distance takes effect, and time gets away from us. Here today, gone tomorrow. 

Why should I make the effort of baring my heart and soul to the ladies of my team if there is no sense of permanence? Why should I form friendships with the crazy men who keep chanting “THERE WILL BE NO CHALLENGE TODAY” and make weird happy birthday videos?

A phrase that was drilled into us at training camp was, “Love deeply, hold loosely.” That was mostly in regards to the countries we would be going to because sometimes we don’t get to go the route we originally signed up for i.e political unrest, natural disasters, etc.

I’ve decided to try and love my new team deeply, but to hold them loosely. They are gifts to me right now in my life and I want to treasure them as long as I can before they are called off elsewhere in life.

I could chose to be stubbornly selfish, closed off, and horde the good things God has done for me. But Jesus said, “Give as freely as you have received.” 

Instead of simply feeling the pangs of hurt, abandonment, or inadequacy later on, I chose to commit them to God. It doesn’t mean it’s easy, but I’m going to trust that God will continue to provide community for me. He’s a good Father and gives good gifts and no matter what He will remain permanent and steadfast in my life. 

Fun Fact: I’m still fundraising. I’m only $4,500 away from meeting my final goal and being fully funded. If you would like to donate, please do so!

Fun Fact #2: You can watch my video I made of Indonesia here.