“Before Eve sinned and took a bite of the fruit, she believed a lie.”

That’s something that one of the leaders said yesterday during our women’s retreat time.

What lies have I believed about myself, others, and God that have lead me to sin?

Wow.

I’ve received words from people about taking off the mask and to stop diverting attention from myself with humor. That’s hard. I like making people laugh, which isn’t a bad thing. I love bringing joy to those around me, but when I use it to cover my wounds, it’s not healthy.
Proverbs 14:13 “Laughter can conceal a heavy heart, but when the laughter ends, the grief remains.”
But something I have learned from my experience in the human condition: No one wants to be around the clown when they’re sad. Probably because people have to actually feel their own feelings instead of mine. *mic drop

There’s a lot of pain and anger. Rage.

Someone told me that they had such anger issues they would punch trees.

I do that with my mind. Maybe it’s not socially acceptable for me to punch you in the face, but I’ll do it in my mind. Over and over again. Vengeance.

I told my leader Sara about it in Australia. She said, “You know that’s a sin right.”

“Yes.”

That was a lie. Sorry, Sara. I didn’t realize it was a sin, but pride kept me from being honest with you because I felt attacked.

It’s something I’ve done so often I never realized it was wrong. So now I’m learning to take captive those thoughts and make them obedient to Christ and let me tell you it’s so (expletive) hard!

That’s where I’m at right now.

I’ve believed that vulnerability was weakness.

Lie.

I’ve believed that I couldn’t let people into my pain.

Lie.

I believed God enjoyed watching me struggle.

Lie.

So what lies are you believing about yourself? Others? God?