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The Last Chapter: Early Departure

Sometimes life doesn’t turn out the way you expected. One minute you’re preparing to move cities with your team and the next you are sitting on a call looking out at the Adriatic Sea being told you’re going home. 

I was measured on the AIM’s team leader scale and found wanting. Leadership made the call to pull me from the field for the sake of my team and myself. The news came as a shock to both me, my team, and I’m sure everyone who has found out (maybe even you as you’re reading this).

Failure, shame, betrayed, brokenhearted, but an undercurrent of all these emotions I feeling was also hope. What are you up to, LORD?

If it was up to me, I would’ve finished at the allotted time with my team. But God doesn’t promise us a tomorrow and he didn’t promise me that I would finish with them.

I know I’ve made mistakes. I’ve harmed people with my words, I’ve isolated and withdrawn when maybe I shouldn’t, and I can always improve on articulating what I need. But I won’t stay down. 

Failing is part of life and I’m learning to embrace it and some day soon I hope I can enjoy it. There was a time in my life where I would have held a grudge against the people responsible for this. Maybe even I’d write a blog with a super click bait-y title and go into a whole defense about why I shouldn’t be sent home and why leadership is wrong, but if anything it’s a testimony to the power and work of the Holy Spirit in my heart. I tear up thinking about how much He has changed me. Everyday I seek Him and I slowly am looking more like Christ and the freedom I have from embracing the gift of humility. I decided I wont get bitter, I’ll get better.

The past two months (three if you count leader training) has been a grueling process of refinement. I have wrestled with hard things and have claimed victory over many battles of the mind. I’ve been able to share the love of Christ and the gospel with several people. I’ve been able to intercede in prayer for ministry and step out in boldness and pray for people struggling on the battlefield of life. And through it all I’ve made some sweet friends along the way. 

If I had to go back and change anything from my time on the field, I wouldn’t change a thing. It’s been an honor to serve with O squad for such a time as this. 

I only look ahead to what the LORD is doing and where He is taking me. Because I know His way is better and this is where He is leading me.

To O Squad, 

I love you. Don’t think for a second I wont continue reading your blogs and following your journey. And know you are in my prayers and never far from my thoughts. If there is any way I can support you from afar during your time on the field or when you return to the States, don’t hesitate to reach out.

 

To my supporters, 

Thank you for supporting me on this journey. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s been worth it. I can’t wait to see those of you I can and share all that God did that I didn’t get to blog about and pray for you. I will continue to pray for all of you on my subscriber sheet. <3

 

To AIM leadership, 

Thank you for being a team that prays through tough decisions like the one you made. I know whether it was the right one or the wrong one, the LORD will use it to glorify Him. If there is any way I can support you or pray for you, let me know. We are still the body of Christ.

 

Prayer Request

  • That I would continue to rely on the Holy Spirit to guide me in my life and decisions. I have some ideas of what’s next that I’m excited to share, but as scripture says “man makes his plans but the LORD directs his steps”. I will trust in the LORD with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding.

Saying goodbye to my crazy team as they head to Lushnje to work with a host.

Allie bought me a consolation cappuccino and it came with a quote that I felt was really timely.

Here’s a song that has been really comforting during this time.

13 Comments

  1. So awesome to see your transparency and vulnerability. It truly inspires. Not easy to trip up, but so great when God is the one that lifts us up. I am positive He has such great things in store!

  2. I’m sad that your journey didn’t go as expected, but your attitude is exactly as I expected. You’re kind and strong and you have a depth of thought that only comes from introspection. I hope that when you return, you’ll come visit your old coworkers and tell us your stories! Best of luck to you, Heidi! You. Are. Awesome.

  3. Proud of you, and your dedication in pursuing the Lord. I will miss you dear friend. Thanks for always reading my blogs 🙂

  4. Wow Heidi. Thank you for your humbleness. I’m sure God’s got this next journey for you and I’m so excited to hear all about it. Please keep me updated and I will miss you. Your faith and knowledge of His word is always inspiring to me. Thank you for all the hard questions I will miss them!!!! I love youuuuu.

  5. I am so proud of you!!!
    I am sure God has so much planned for you, when one door is shut he has a much better need for you. You good bye message is a wonderful statement of your strength and wisdom of the Lord. We can all learn from you. Thank you. Love you.

  6. I am so proud of you!!!
    I am sure God has so much planned for you, when one door is shut he has a much better need for you. You good bye message is a wonderful statement of your strength and wisdom of the Lord. We can all learn from you. Thank you. Love you.

  7. Heidi, you are such an inspiration!! I don’t need to tell you that God has other plans for you or that when one door closes another opens. You know that! You use be needed elsewhere for them to send you back home. There is always a reason whether we get to know that or not!!

  8. You continue to inspire and teach team BANJO even after your departure! We terribly miss you but are so ready to see the fruit that God brings in this new season.

  9. Love you Heidi! I’m sad I didn’t get to say bye before you left. I’m going to miss joking with you and your kind words. I’m praying for you as you go back to the states earlier than expected.

  10. Heidi, thank you for your honesty and transparency. I love you so much. I’m gonna miss you my friend

  11. Heidi, We are praying for you as you head home to new adventures. What a great attitude and insight. We all make our plans and our mistakes along the way but learning from them is what helps us grow. You are so wise in chosing to grow!!! May the Lord bless your return and lead you to your next chapter! Hugs and prayers sent your way! Xoxo

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