UPDATE
The past few weeks have been a rollercoaster of emotions.
My grandfather passed away.
I was asked by a family member to perform at his funeral. I had been wondering what I could do to honor him so I took the opportunity to play my guitar and sing. The only song that came to my mind was “Move Your Heart” by UPPERROOM.
It’s a beautiful worship song, but not really a funeral-y song. Also, a lot of my relatives are not believers so they might not understand why I picked that song, but the more I prayed about it, the more I felt it was the right song.
[Chorus]
I just wanna move Your heart
It’s all I wanna do
I just wanna stand in awe
And pour my love on You
No matter how much the cost
I freely give it all to You
All to You
I love singing this to God because it perfectly captures my heart for the LORD. Sometimes it’s hard to “freely give it all” because I feel like I have nothing to give or I’m at the end of myself and there’s nothing left.
There are things in my life that I’ve allowed to cloud my focus of Jesus. Like Peter, I’ve looked around and seen the storms of the world worry me like gas prices, inflation, the future, fundraising and I’ve doubted, not that God was able to provide, but would He? These things took my peace this week, but when I read this this morning it changed my perspective.
“Stress is often born from a sense of obligation or shame. We feel burdened by something we feel we have to do.
It’s all too easy to wrap ourselves in “have to” language that imprisons us and breeds resentment and rebellion…
Once you understand the intrinsic, values-based reasons why you want to do something, it can restore your sense of purpose and help alleviate the associated stress.”
–Susan David, author of “Emotional Agility”
I was saying, “I have to raise support” and stewing in the improbability of it all (even though I’ve done this before and in even greater amounts) when I wasn’t finishing the sentence. “I have to raise support because I want to influence a generation with the love of Jesus Christ.” I completely forgot my purpose and allowed Satan to steal my joy and peace!
Imagine if Jesus was constantly thinking throughout his life “I have to go to the cross” and was constantly stressed out about it? But instead, he continued to love, serve, and teach others. His full sentence was, “I have to go to the cross because I am paying the price for your sins so I can spend eternity with you.”
[Chorus 2]
I just wanna move Your heart
Get caught within Your gaze
Right here in Your presence, God
Is where I wanna stay
Oh, just to dwell in Your house
Waste my hours and my days on You
Oh, on You
Do you ever feel lonely? Do you ever feel long for something so much it hurts? We were meant to be with God and have an unbroken relationship, but when man sinned, that changed everything forever. But Jesus came and mended that broken relationship. All we have to do is accept him into our heart, repent of our sins, and follow Him. He restored our relationships with God! Thank God!
I know that my grandfather is enjoying the house of the LORD right now. He no longer has to wrestle with worry, doubt, fear, or flesh. He gets to enjoy the love and freedom that comes with being in presence of God.
[Bridge]
Is it a fragrance?
Then I pour my oil out
Is it a life laid down?
Then here I give my vows
Is it a song I sing?
Then here’s every melody
Just tell me what moves You
Tell me what moves You
When Mary anointed Jesus with the oil from her alabaster jar, it cost her significantly, a year’s wages to be exact. Think about what you make in a year. Now imagine you took all that money and bought a jar of perfume. You would probably only dab on a small amount and ONLY for special occasions. You would want to make it last as long as possible. But Mary knew there wouldn’t be a more special occasion than getting to anoint Jesus.
I hope my life looks like that.
Ephesians 5: 1-2
“Therefore, be imitators of God, as dearly loved children, and walk in love, as Christ also loved us and gave himself for us, a sacrificial and fragrant offering to God.”
If you’re wondering the details of where I’m going and what I’m doing, you can read my previous blog here.
HOW YOU CAN SUPPORT ME
Thank you to everyone who has supported me. Since I hit my $1200 goal, they were able to buy my plane tickets, but it was more expensive than previously forecasted. But I know that “no matter how much the cost” that this is where the LORD is leading me.
If you would like to be a part of influencing the younger generation with the love of Jesus, then you can volunteer at your local children’s/youth ministry, pray for them, or support me financially so I can go.
ReachGlobal: https://give.efca.org
Account Number: #5928-HG – Ecamp Austria
Donations made on their site you can write off on your taxes.
If you prefer to give directly to me, here are my personal payment links:
Venmo: @Heidi-Gray-3
Paypal: @HeidiAlmighty
CashApp: $HeidiGray
