I’m somewhat bewildered by the fact that we are already in our second country. How is this possible?! We are in Indonesia right now. I’ve never been to Indonesia. How many times can I write Indonesia in one blog post (sorry, Matt if you’re reading this)?
I’m just feeling overwhelmed by God right now. I have the best squad of people who are beautiful, hilarious, sassy, and just the coolest people to be around (you’re okay too, Andrea). I know they warn us and say, “Just wait until month X and you’ll be sick of each other” but I don’t care. Anyone who’s willing to travel around the world with me for a year is a saint and can share a jar of Nutella with me anytime (even you, Andrea).
I also have the best squad and team leaders: Alysa, Patrick, Sara, Soloman, Elva, Shannon, Lila, Eric, and Luis. They put up with my stupid questions, silly jokes, and the serious inner conflict that I share with them. Even when it’s ugly they still continue to pour God’s love and encouragement into me, which I appreciate more than they know. But most importantly they pray. They pray about the decisions they make, they pray over my squad and wait on the Lord for His response. It’s made all the difference these past few weeks and I’m eternally grateful.
I’m learning right now how much God loves me. Not that cheesy Sunday school one-liner you would hear from the old guy with bad breath, but the kind where I-would-leave-the-ninety-nine-others-and-go-to-the-ends-of-the-earth-to-find-you kind of love. That’s the kind of love us girls secretly dream about, but realize isn’t realistic because honey, gas prices are a thing and most guys don’t know how to boat. But nothing is too hard for God.
I focus too much on what’s unlovable about me. I focus on what I need to change or grow or what could be better. I nitpick myself to death and beat myself up for the mistakes I make hoping that can be a penance for what I’ve done, but God didn’t (and doesn’t) ask me to do that. He just wants me to be who he has made me to be. God loves me for who I am right now in this moment. It doesn’t matter what I’ve done in the past. I give that up and over to Him. He loves me without conditions. There’s no prerequisite to His love. I am His daughter.
Confession: I always pray to God for hugs. I dream about getting hugs from Him all the time and always hope one day He’ll make it happen. The other day one of my leaders gave me a great big hug and said, “These are the Lord’s hugs.” Even now I’m secretly, ugly snot-crying in my hostel cubby because it just furthers in my mind how much God loves me even in the simple things like a hug.
I want others to know THIS.
I’m not here to “convert” people.
I’m not here to shove the Bible down people’s throats.
I’m here to give big hugs and show people the kind of love that God has for them.
