Since I have been in India, it has rekindled my love for chess, which is the supposed birthplace of chess. When we were at the Taj Mahal there was a marble vendor who had a small chessboard for sale. There was no way I was going to pay the ticketed price, but I thought if I can get him down to my price range, I’ll buy it.
In the back of my mind, I remembered walking through REI and seeing a tiny magnetic chessboard and thinking how fun it would be to take it on this trip. Since I was already fundraising for this journey, it didn’t seem wise to buy it right then. Also, the prospect of carrying it for eleven months aside from everything else weighed on me. What if I went through all that trouble and couldn’t get anyone to play it?
After some haggling in the marble shop, we reached a fair price (my price). Now I’m carrying a tiny marble-topped chessboard with marble pieces in my pack.
What I love about chess is it is a game of strategy. The most basic strategy is to protect the King; he’s the most important and weakest piece in the game. Sometimes you can get caught up in the movements and strategies of the other pieces on the board, that you forget your opponent is trying to get your King.
As I’ve been on this journey, I’ve been distracted. I’ve realized my focus has been on myself when it should be on God.
I’m so caught up in fixing my imperfections and problems that I forget that God loves me. I know that sounds like a Sunday school answer, but God loves me.
Zephaniah 3:17
“The LORD your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.”
Romans 5:8
“God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.”
God loves the before and after version of me. He has not stopped loving me because God loves me no matter what.
Do I want healing of my inward issues? Yes.
Do I wish I was perfect? All the time.
But I cannot dwell on the negative thoughts of how I view myself. I’ve started to recognize what I thought was pious humility has led to a hidden self-hatred of myself.
Jesus didn’t die so I could become perfect. He didn’t go to the cross so he could make bad people good. Jesus was obedient to death -even death on a cross- so that dead people walking could come alive.
I’ve been so preoccupied about doing things that I forget to just be with my King.
Psalm 46:10 NASB
“Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
Maybe I’m just preaching to myself in this blog, but I know that I need to get this deep down in my soul. I keep striving for something when all I need to do is be still and know that God is God and nothing will change that.
Not anyone’s opinion.
Not my own doubts.
Not my circumstances.
God is bigger than my problems and He is bigger than anything that could/would/will come at me. He’s not a King that needs protection like in chess. I am weak, but He is strong.
2 Corinthians 12:9-11 NIV
“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”
Life is full of hills and valleys and I want you to know if you are in the valley right now and life looks pretty bleak. Do not give up. Because pretty soon as you start moving forward it’s going to turn into an uphill climb. It won’t be easy, but if you persevere through it, God’s got an amazing view at the top for you and you’ll be stronger for it.
You’re never alone. You may not always feel His presence, but He’s always there.
Peter stepped out onto the waves, but as soon as he took His eyes off Jesus he began to sink. (Matthew 14: 22-33)
Don’t focus on your circumstances, but focus your eyes on the One that matters.
Love reading your blogs and seeing the growth in you.
Yesssss so good Heidi! Continue to turn your face to the Lord!
You’ll probably destroy me since I know ZERO strategy, but I’ll play chess with you in Nepal!!
Haha, yessss! We shall play chess!! You’ll only get better the more you play!
Bravo!
This is so good! The greatest thing we can be sure of is that God loves us!! He loved and formed us even in our mother’s womb. Keep your eyes and focus on Him. He made you special! And He wants to defend you!